LEO

I just know I need to get something very important from that old building somewhere I hardly recognize. I just got to get inside one of those rooms there and reclaim what I believe is mine. It looked to me a very old building but I'm just too lucky to get there when it is being emptied out for refurbishment. In one of the rooms, fortunately sat untouched what I went back there for - some sort of a tiny box with some stuff in it I seriously don't even know what. Hurrying and heading back to the main door with the box as inside was a real mess when just as I stepped out I thought I went past someone fiddling with the windows at the right side of the door. I stepped back in to see and find out if he was by any chance someone I knew as I got a strong feeling he surely could. Would be good to know He wore a dark blue short-sleeved shirt with matching blue trousers and trainers. He stood there all looking fit and happy. I moved closer for a better view when tears just suddenly welled up in my eyes and went running down my cheeks, keeping up with the pain and anger and resentment I felt right that very moment as I fathomed who he was! I called his name in a hurting voice. No answer. He didn't even look to my direction. I called his name again, twice, moving closer to where he was. He finally looked at me and gladly smiled the same smile he used to give me.

"Hi! You're here! And why are you crying?" Gosh, I couldn't even remember the last time I heard his voice.

"Because I miss you, I really, really miss you! Very much!" Then I absolutely lost it and burst into tears - the biggest and the saddest of all tears I ever cried for him.

"Ahh, come here." And he wrapped me in his arms so tight I wished it would last forever but before I could get drowned in my own tears and in the feeling of mad sadness, I felt my shoulders shaken and my arm gently rubbed.

"Wake up, you're dreaming", was what I heard from my husband who was with me in bed, watching me with my struggle from when he noticed I am choking into some difficult dream, waiting for the right time and sign to help bring me back to reality. But I was still in the same state of what seemed like emotional sadness, still crying the same intensity as I told him about that tearful encounter with Manong Leo, my closest and bestest cousin and friend, through my sleep and who we lost to a nasty death nearly 5 years ago and until now I detest why he had to leave - me most of all. And every time I'm sad, I still call for him and wished he were here. I MISS YOU MANONG MORE THAN ANYONE KNOWS. YOU ARE ALWAYS ALIVE TO ME.

SKIING in NENDAZ 2013

Winter season has always meant skiing, snowboarding, running ski lifts, and easy ski passes. One of the world's ski resorts that winter enthusiasts love to visit again and again is Nendaz 4 Vallées (Four Valleys) located in Sion, the capital of Valais, Switzerland with a total vertical drop of 6,328 feet, a base elevation of 4,597 feet, and a summit elevation of 10,925 feet. It has a tiny village with conventional timber houses, barns and grain stores, and with its continuous expansion and development, chalets were built, a number of coffee shops and restaurants came forth, supermarkets, and every bit of services a petite village can offer.In addition to these services, an absolutely free bus ride is available everyday, taking skiers to and from the Telecabine where cablecars go up and down the ski resort uninterrupted.

They also offer various programs for children aside from ski courses for little skiers. They provide child-minding services and toddler facilities in order that adults can have all the time they need to enjoy the slopes without having to worry about their children who aren't geared up enough to do combat with snow and slopes.

It felt so amazing to be in a place I only used to see in postcards and movies! And what's more overwhelming than finding myself skiing?! Never thought I would one day walk like a clone trooper in Star Wars in stiff cylindrical ski boots. Up the slopes a resto bar is open for refreshments while live music adds to the relaxing and very friendly ambience. Various lifts are accessible like chairlifts, button lifts and magic carpets. Somewhere in the midst of a vast domain of ice another but smaller refresher café sits, chairs and tables are as well settled outside, and a fountain of jazz music is sheltered close by.

The whole huge area between the Magic Carpet and the Button Lift is actually a lake in the summer that has gone frozen in the winter! As a first time skier, I sort of felt apprehensive when I was crossing it but in my resolute desire to attempt a bit steeper slope I put fear behind me and carried on. It was indeed a one in a million experience for me. And that day will always remind me that in this world itself are a whole lot of dazzling new worlds for one who is determined to explore.

Afflictions of a Mother and Wife

I left home for the fourth time on February 7, 2012 after spending a 2-month holiday with my husband and our 4 girls, Ysabel, Yleiza, Ymealle and Ylleine ages 9, 5, 4 and 3 at my parents' house. As soon as my husband and I together with a friend arrived at the Airport I faltered and felt butterflies in my tummy that sent me crying saying to my husband: "Please don't let me go this time. I don't want to leave anymore". But we both knew I needed to go so I helplessly took my suitcases with me and checked-in which after I did, went to the exit taking my hand-carry luggage and rushed out straight to the waiting area not bothered about the time which gave me barely 5 minutes till boarding schedule just to kiss and hug my husband goodbye again. Tears were running down my cheeks from when I entered the airport again until I was seated in the plane. He painfully watched the aircraft with a heart crushed as it took off while I cried incessantly, defeated by the need to go. It was a very long and agonizing journey as I'm bound for Europe where I work. During the flight I couldn't stop thinking about my family. If I dose off all I dream of are the girls and my Hubby. I lost the appetite to eat as well that I refused the airline meals. I survived the entire flight with water, coffee and tea one after the other.

I reached Switzerland in an extremely freezing weather of minus 10 degrees centigrade bringing me right there and then winter blues which mercilessly added insult to my injury. It was nonsense as it is impossible but I wished for the snow which covered every roof of every house I saw and everything around to cover me as well and make me numb to ever feel the pain of having to leave my life - MY FAMILY.

It was too impossible to get myself to sleep on the night I was back. Apart from jetlag, I was crazily suffering from homesickness - the worst enemy I believe of people going abroad and live miles away from their families. I was awake from half past 12 midnight on. Same thing happened the second night.

Today, February 10, 2012 I was fumbling through my suitcase which hasn't been touched since I arrived as I was in a state of resisting to believe I'm back in Switzerland, when I found 3 unfamiliar things as obviously they aren't mine:

1. a small blue rosary
2. a yellow-colored smiley eraser
3. a note saying:

"mama I will miss you ingat diha (take care) I love you I miss you we love you we will miss you from Ysabel, Dagz, Winwin and CS".

I didn't know how to react. But I thought I felt anger. Anger because it hurts! It's Ysabel's and I literally felt her pain too from being left behind. Anger because it filled up that chamber in my heart for keeping my pain in and made me want to scream and cry! I quickly got my phone, navigated to the notepad to write something about what she'd done when a page appeared, caught me completely off-guard and gave me a real painful blow when I read:

"Mama I love you I miss you. Ingat ka diha (take care)."

This time I was sure I was feeling guilty! Guilty for letting her undergo this kind of pain! My mother worked away from home when I was young and is back home only on weekends. But the pain of not being with her over the weeks sent me crying almost every night. How intense is Ysabel's pain then seeing me only for a month twice in a year! Awful lot of pain!

I can no longer allow our pain to go on. My husband feels incomplete, I do too! I'm going home for good before I ruin my children's emotional stability and live my life in regrets. And besides, there's no other place better than home!